Does my child have a behavioural disorder or just food intolerance/food allergy?

My daughter was 11 months old when she was diagnosed as being fructose intolerant, 13 months old when lactose intolerance was registered, and nearly three years old when they discovered a milk protein allergy. This is because she produced atypical symptoms: she did not have eczema, rashes, and she was developing properly. In vain did I tell the doctor at the monthly check-up that the child had considerable stomach pains and cried a lot (virtually all day), because she ticked all the boxes for development given her age (and I didn’t slam my fist on the table sobbing that the days were simply intolerable), they just waved me off saying ‘this is the three-month colic’, and then later ‘there are some who go until six months’.

When she was 11 months, the doctors accused me saying, why did I want to take her to a gastroenterologist, after all, only stick-thin children were taken there, or those with blood in their stool, while she was in good physical condition.

This much was true, she really had developed nicely. Only that with us, right from the beginning, the days were solely about trying to calm our baby because she was always crying. I constantly rocked her and of course tried all the other ways of easing the pain, from massage and antispasmodic products through homeopathy right up to the wrap-her-in-swaddling-and-hold-her-close therapy – of course, as far as was sensible. Unhappily, nothing helped.

Now I know that she was having spasms and her stomach was extremely painful. Then, however, all we could see was that she cried and was fussy, and when she had got a bit bigger it appeared that she was slightly hysterical. We never had the first smile...

When guests came, she watched them for a time and then the spasms started again and everything would begin over again (crying, rocking until she went to sleep again). Based on the questions asked by the district nurse and doctor, I began to suspect that my baby was autistic, but there were very many other factors that went against this and my husband always reassured me.

When finally at the age of 13 months it transpired that the baby had fructose malabsorption and lactose intolerance, one or two months after the diet started the doctor admitted that he had begun to suspect behavioural disorder and would never have considered that some sort of stomach/intestinal/dietary problem could be behind the serious, introverted, sometimes tearful mood of a baby.

A month after we started the diet (dairy and fructose free), the change was already noticeable to those around her.

She slept better from the start (something we were even more pleased about), she smiled more often, became happier and more at ease. Of course, in company she still remained the slow-to-relax child who she had been earlier, and this characteristic carried over into the creche. When she started kindergarten she was more open and interested, but she remained basically a contemplative type. Just a few months later, however, I noticed that she was once again turning inwards, she frequently had headaches, sometimes stomach aches, she didn’t play much with her brother and anyway was very enervated and bad tempered. By complete chance it turned out that there had been a change of caterer.

It appeared incredible that the food would have such an effect on a child, but after much discussion, experimenting and trials we reached the point where I started cooking her kindergarten menu for the whole day. A month or two later, a miracle happened.

My daughter opened up in the kindergarten, she no longer played alone on the carpet or in the sandpit, but with her classmates. She made friends. One day the teacher told me that she had been in a fight (she had been protecting herself and justice). Good God! I reckon no other parent would have been as happy as I was on hearing such news. Another month went by and they came to tell me how cute and mischievous my baby was! These reports warmed my heart no end.

Then as things worked out, we had another go at canteen catering because on top of eight hours work, housekeeping and the children it was a terrible strain cooking the kindergarten menu every day (free from everything). After just two weeks the teacher asked how long we would be trying this way because even now she also had seen a change in the child. In the end we managed six weeks. By then my daughter was coming out of kindergarten in a bad mood every day, once again we were starting every morning battling the I-don’t-want-to-go-to-kindergarten hysteria, and one morning she even started shouting with her father in front of the teacher. Every afternoon my nerves were in a mess because of her behaviour and perhaps it will come as no surprise to anyone that after a month and a half I was back cooking. One or two weeks later, she was back to normal, loving kindergarten and forming friendships.

Even though we have a mass of experience, I am also frequently surprised by things.

It may be that there is no scientific research on the connection between diet, nutritional allergy/sensitivity and behaviour, but what we experienced in this regard over the past few years is a fact.

The food intolerance of my daughter resulted in the Babakonyha fructose and lactose free diet blog, where I rarely spoke about personal matters, instead sharing fructose-, lactose-, milk- and egg-free recipes with mothers in a similar situation. But sometimes I found that I was also fed up (approximately once every two years) and freaked out on the Facebook page linked to the blog. On one such occasion the mother of a young girl woke up to the realization that her daughter could be fructose intolerant as well. Luckily their doctor was open to the idea and the examination, the mother moved quickly and it turned out that she was right. Since then, if her child keeps to a low fructose diet, she is good tempered, funny and obedient, as far as any child can be.

Thanks to the blog, I receive many letters from people sharing their experiences with me, making enquiries and asking questions. From these letters it is apparent that eczema is not the only typical symptom for a milk allergy, but for example constant upper respiratory illnesses, asthma-like bronchitis, while with fructose it is constant stomach aches, fussiness and introverted behaviour. It is important never to generalize. Just because your baby’s tummy is hurting, he/she is picky with food or breaks out in hysterics, this does not necessarily mean he/she certainly has a food intolerance. No, definitely not. It really can be a weather front, teething, a bad day and I could go on (I know them all, we went through every single one of them).

Since the baby was the first in the family, we only slowly came around to the realization that we could have been right all along, and the developmental path that our child went down was not usual. One thing is certain: if this is a long drawn-out state, and the mother is on the brink of what she can bear, then it is well worth seeking out a doctor one can trust and who is ready to check out all the possibilities.

It is possible to refute any connection between behavioural disorder and dietary intolerance or food allergy, and I admit that in part the doctors are right because one cannot immediately rush off to the gastroenterologist with every child showing behavioural disorder symptoms. Instead, it is worth examining carefully the environment, background etc. However, if one thinks about how we, adults, feel if after eating something our stomach starts hurting or gets spasms, how as a result we don’t want to do anything, how little we feel like smiling, laughing, how enervated we become, and are happiest just lying on the bed until it goes away, then this is worthy of consideration. And more so with a child, an infant, who is unable to express all these feelings. This is why I would recommend that we pay attention to our children intelligently, listen to our mothering instincts, because as my experience shows, it only rarely deceives.